Celebrity

     i went to the Saturday farmer's market today, then test drove cars at two dealerships and just returned home.  my daughter caught a cold, which wouldnt be the end of the world except . . .she has to fly to LA for a private audition by invitation only to be on a TV Show.  and she has to leave for California in four days.  so, its kind of up in the air right now.  anyway, im sure things will work out ok but its always stressful before her auditions because the stakes always seem so high.  i went downstairs and asked her if i could do anything to help.  she asked me to make Thai noodles.  But, when i brought them to her she winced at me and said, "uh Mom there is something i forgot to tell you about the show.  if i get the gig, they are gonna want to fly you out to LA to be interviewed on camera.  They will pay for your hotel and everything.  But, i need to know you are on board with all this.  because, youll be on TV."

0.o

     No one who reads this probably knows me well enough to know that being in the spotlight is something i abhor immensely.  Some people might jump at the chance for any type of recognition.  Not me.  i like being in the background, supporting people i love without any recognition or praise.  i probably cant think of anything more horrifying for me then being watched on television by millions of people.  Everyone here is trying to tell me how beautiful i look in my pretty dresses and how much everyone will love me, that i shouldnt worry because i will be beautiful.  But, inside im secretly hoping she doesnt get the job and i know thats terrible to say that because i do want my daughter to be successful and follow all her dreams.  But, that lifestyle is not something i ever really wanted.  im terrified of embarrassing my daughter even though people dont think i would.

     Sometimes i feel like im not me anymore.  im just HER mother.  and i dont mind that at all.  i adore my daughter more than i have words to convey.  But, its weird that so many other people identify me in that way. She is all people want to talk about anymore.  People are constantly asking me questions about her, about her work and her plans.  About her personal life.  About her romantic life.  No one asks what im up to because its boring and domestic.  They all want to live vicariously though my daughter and her celebrity so they constantly bring her up in their conversations with me and ask 500 questions about what she is up to.  Celebrity is weird.